Free speech.

Free speech is a brilliant thing when people use it well.

Bill Hicks, FTW.
Martin Luther King, FTW
Chris Crocker, FTW.
Ricky Gervais, FTW.

If you’re hiding behind your own fears and feel you should be saving the dignity of a race, creed or culture, do it.
If someone’s racist, homophobic or generally abusive in front of you, even if you have no proper frame of reference to it, tell them to shut the fuck up.
It is your duty as a good human being to stand up for those less confident to do so. Stand up for yourselves, also. No one is better than you, and remember that. And don’t you dare think you can’t change the world.

May i refer you a certain Martin Luther King?

People change the world every day, from little things they do, and opinions that alter people’s outlook on the world and the people around them. I’ve done it, and you probably have too, so don’t hide it away and feel like freedom of speech is a bad thing, because it’s one of the most amazing gifts our nation has. Some people in the world are not entitiled to free speech, and they can’t do what i am doing, right now, but you know what?
A lot still try as hard as they can, and they are truly amazing people.

‘Fuck the system. If that’s your system, then fuck the system and fuck you too.’

You have the speech, so use it, and be glad you can.

The only thing evil needs to succeed. is for good men to do nothing.

Freedom of speech, FTFW.

God, i’m sorry for boasting all this amazing luck that i have.

I don’t really have any friends. I know some people, yes, but in terms of anything more than that; like the kind of friends that you share ever lasting memories with and are always in their company, alas, i have no one. The only person who i could even consider with such a tag is moving away. And, as my eighteenth birthday approaches, i realize that i have no one, which means that i shall become a man, all on my own. I believe that friends make living worth all the shit you experience, but when you have non, it’s hard to rely on that piece of philosophy. So, when you’re telling me i’m shit, remember, you don’t know how to feel this lonely. I don’t trust people any more. I’ve trusted a lot of people in the past, and they all broke it, spat on it, and threw it back in my face.

I haven’t got a job. Everytime i apply for one, i never hear anything back. Applying for more jobs deafeats it’s own point because nothing ever comes of it. But, say i get a job interview. I’ll do really well at it. I’ll be confident and i’ll be pleasurable and all that shit they want. I shake their hand, i look them in the eye. Yes, so why do they never bother employing me? If a white trash twat can get a job, why can’t i?! And it makes me sick when people who think they know what they’re lecturing me on, think it’s their place to tell me that i don’t try and that i should ‘get a job’. Shut the fuck up. If it were as easy as applying myself to it, i’d have a fucking job by now, you arrgoent TWAT. You know nothing. As much as you think your head is bigger than anything i’ve set my eyes on, i must inform you that you are very much mistaken. You haven’t been applying for jobs and trying, failing, giving up and trying again for twelve months, you know nothing, so refrain from giving me advice on these things you don’t understand.

Being a gay, single near-eighteen year old, living in Wrexham is a fucking bitch. I’ve only been in one relationship, and that only lasted two days. I watch everyone else in relationships and i hope they realize how lucky they really are. The population of gay people in Wrexham is asexuality and annoyance, neither i like at all, and yet i’m expected to be happy, regardless.

I’m very lonely.

So, considering all that, you can see why it all gets me down.

Juno is a really good film

Having watched the acclaimed drama-comedy film Juno, and being obviously taken hold by it, i have decided that i am determined to meet a lovely bookish boy, with whom i can fall in love with and be happy for a long, long while.

One day, one day.

Football. (A rant)

Why do football fans think that it is anything more than a sport?
If your team loses, don’t cry/whine/start a fight over it.

If you start a fight over a football match loss, then you’re pathetic.
You literally are.
I mean, it’s just so petty and childish.

And, the people who compare music to football can go fuck themselves, also.
Football and music are not anything a like.
Music is one of the most influential and amazing things in life.
Football is just a few working class men (and now women, they’ve let them do it now. Nice of them) kicking shaped rubber about, and kicking it into a net.
I don’t care how good you think it is.
It’s a sport, and nothing more.
Music, is music.
Fans don’t start fights over musical differences.
Except chavs (arrogant working classism thrivers, for those unknown) who don’t like it when other people realize how not to be a drone, so they get a bit jealous (Them being the same group of people who like football more than any other. hmm, weird isn’t it? Weird they fight there…and over music. Hmmmmm. It’s almost as if…they’re just thuggish people?).
Fans cry over the splitting of a band because it’s an experience these people have been through.
Football fans crying over a lost match, is the equivalent of a music fan crying of a band making a shit song.
Them crying over the champions league loss,is the equivalent of a music fan crying over a shit album by a good band.
But, music fans don’t tend to cry over rubbish music their bands make. Just get disappointed.
It’s not comparable.

Don’t you see?

And the hypocritical testosterone is ridiculous.
Suddenly, i’m unmanly because i don’t like football.
And yet, you are, even when you cry at a football match.
And the fact that crying at that is more acceptable than crying at the death of a loved one, or emotional heartbreak, misery and despair.

Don’t you see how your words mean nothing and you’re just a patriotic wanker who doesn’t know when he’s been beaten down by pure logic because you’re so fueled with bias and not logic and the fact that i’m not, and you are means that i can clearly see the truth?

Don’t you see?

I don’t care how much you like it.
It isn’t worthy of the praise it gets, and that’s the truth and where this rant ends.

Yeah, i know

Right, before you remind me, i realize that i haven’t done a blog in a while. I know this, and it isn’t because i’ve been ‘busy’ or anything. I’m rarely ever busy, so that negates that ploy. It’s mainly because…i’m lazy? Well, i’m not lazy, per-say, I’m just disorganized when i have nothing unpleasant to distract me with. I could suggest reasons why i may have been distracted from this:

A, i only know of two people who actually read it. One of which is revising for his exams, and probably has more important things than worrying about my life. Whereas the other, i’ve not spoken to for a while (which leads me to believe she’s deleted me on MySpace and subsequently forgotten all about me) which reduces my audience down to a mere one person who is more busy then i.
B, I’ve had two new albums to pleasure myself over recently (take that phrase however you wish). First is an album called Magic Recoveries by a Finnish Post-Hardcore band called Disco Ensemble. It’s alright, nothing incredible, but it’s worth checking out, i guess. And the second is the self-titled debut album from my favourite band, Drive-By Argument which has been sitting under the arse of their label Lizard Kock (It#s actually King, but i call them Kock) because they’re too much of an amateurish label to release an album under a year of it being made. It’s a good album. I know this, but being the jaded fan that i am, i need to say that i am slightly disappointed. I probably wouldn’t be as put out as i am upon hearing it, if i hadn’t had about a year and a few months to grow fonder/sicker of the original versions of the songs, and such. But i think this is just me, being the avid fan that i was (and still am, lest not forget that); i listened to Drive-By’s music every single day, quite literally, and in several doses and to say that after such a long time awaiting a release would mean that i would be happy with new versions of songs i’ve heard before, but poorly recorded, would be a foolish thought.
C, Grand Theft Auto IV. Oooooh, my god. I’ve been playing that like a fucking bitch. Wow, i’m going all Richard Smith, i do apologize. Actually i don’t because Richard ‘Ranting’ Smith is really funny and probably one of the only podcasters that actually makes listenable content. Check out Or Do You Think That’s Just Bollocks. But, yes. Grand Theft Auto Four. The best of the quad, equating to it being so good, it makes you feel happy inside. Anyone who has played it will realize what i mean by this. The game is quite literally faultless. Everything is amazing, from the graphics, the general realism of every aspect of the game even including the way you react to gun fire and crashing a car and the effects that has; the control system, the character interaction, the story, the driving, to the weapons. Everything is spot on and it is possibly the best game of the year. It lives up to the hype, and it isn’t exacerbated at all. The only fault i will say is the fact that you pay a fair bit of money to get medical treatment when you ‘die’, or get ‘wasted’ (as old school GTA fans will refer it to) which tends to eat into your pocket, especially if you’re having to do a job and you’re getting killed every time and by the time you actually complete it, you end up with less money than you had before you decided to do the job, even with the pay from doing it. The trick is to restart the game, or just switch off the machine and try again later because you’ll just end up despairing from the amount of money you lose.

So, that’s what i’ve been doing, really. I have started writing an epistolary type novel, encompassing the diary entries of a man who is approaching his wedding day and is just musing on his last days as a ‘free man’. It’s called “Parkers Writings”. The character is called Parker, although this isn’t his real name, more a nickname. I shall paste you an extract from the first entry here. I do hope you enjoy it, because it is something i can see myself writing more of, rather than most things i do write. Here it is:

March 4^th, 2002.

In the days surrounding the pretence of my wedding day, things seem to just be getting even more complicated. I’ve not lost so much hair, ever, and I’m barely thirty. In fact, I often think about that. Is thirty-four too young to be getting married? I do love Marie, that’s for certain, I do. But, I do I want to end up being in one of those marriages that are rushed and never had a chance; the kind where a family is settled for in mere months after marriage; And even that marriage was only previous to a nine-month relationship. I’ve always told myself that I would never let myself do it. So, is thirty-four too young for it?  I wouldn’t know and I don’t know who actually knows these sorts of rules. I suppose any time after the age of thirty is fine, and morally acceptable. Still, I just don’t want to learn to regret it one day when I am filing for divorce and wondering If I will ever get to see young Grant and Paula, my imaginary children or a regular basis as the mother always gets the custody for children In a separation. 

Sweet.

One last point to raise here, before you die from over reading. Tomorrow, (being Thursday) i will start a job [well, i wouldn't really call it a job, per-say] at the British Heart Foundation. I will be working there on Thursday afternoons from 1pm and it should be a real good time (…). Every time i mention this to friends, i do get a depressing, sinking feeling inside me as though i’ve sold my pride to a charity. Because, i haven’t got a job as it is, and i’m starting a job where you don’t get paid. I have no money at the best of times. It depresses me because i can’t even get a real job, but really this is the only way i can actually get a job, because as everyone knows, you can’t get a job if you have no previous experience. It’s like a rule. They say ‘experience isn’t necessary’ on their job advertisement, but you know if you’re a seventeen year old boy who’s never done anything but education, you know you will not be taken on because you’ll be suspected of being incompetent. But yes, this job will give me experience and a proper reference on my C.V. as both are teachers and one of them isn’t aware that he’s my referee.

But, i’ll keep you informed on how the job shapes out. 

Wednesday, Part.1

The sound of an ingrained mobile phone default song awoke me this morning, leaving myself in a state of shock that i had been re-introduced to the world with no mere introduction. I was immediately apart of it, like when a song begins without a build, and goes straight into the first verse; Bang, vocals. The disturbance wasn’t most welcome, as, as soon as i had crossed the room and placed myself in underwear (yes, i do sleep naked) i immediately plunged myself back onto the bed, for there i would lay for a further half hour. Eventually, i dragged myself from the folds of cotton, perched on the end of my bed and i turned my phone on, as one does; it buzzed in my hand, signifying that the sleeping text message had awoken and wanted to give me information for someone, or other. It was from Sarah informing me that she was unable to make the trip to cinema, planned for today, because of college work she had been dragged into doing. Needless to say, i was gutted [the irony of that statement], so i plummeted back onto the bed, where i lay for several minutes, swimming in self-pity and disappointment, as ever. Eventually, i managed to raise myself and head downstairs to plate myself with some Shreddies and a single Wheat-a-bix, as is my custom. Oh, and a glass of orange juice, as the idea of waiting for the kettle to boil, making the tea/coffee, and having a high chance of messing that drink up, seemed more stressful than just poring myself a nice glass of Tropicana Orange Juice, and having done with it. 

Anyone can vouch for the fact that morning-daytime television is awful. I think i’ve seen every episode of Fraiser on the television, the O.C. doesn’t interest me (twenty year old ‘teenagers’ leave a lot to be desired), and neither does the idea of a middle aged man, clearly living through a crisis trying to persuade a smack-head chav to pay more attention to his haggard/over-weight/ugly partner through the medium of guilt-tripping and bombarding shouts. Also, i’ve seen every music video the television channels ‘Scuzz’, ‘Kerrang!’ and ‘MTV Two’ keep showing me. If i see Nine In The Afternoon one more time this month, i shall make sure that Brendan Urie and his merry mates never walk again. So, with that in mind, i turned over the channel to the regular ‘terrestrial’ channels (BBC’s 1&2, ITV, Channel 4, and such), to be greeted by an annoying (clear) homosexual enthusing about some generic house to two, scared pensioners; for my mother, you know. I would never watch such interminably, boring trash if i were alone, and if i were to, i’d just do it so i could just justify that fact to myself, just to make myself feel superior for knowing the truth. 

After deciding i couldn’t take much more torture from the man and his crazy mannerisms, i decided to venture back to my room to enjoy some Yu-Gi-Oh on my computer, and attempt organizing more plans for the day. I texted my friend(/a guy i want to get off with), George and asked if he wanted to meet me in Wrexham today, to which he agreed. A few minutes later, my mother came in [mum, i don't call her mother in real life] and asked me if i wanted to go to Chester with her. So, i clearly jumped at the chance as, a) i had been planning to go to Chester for a while, but friends suck, basically and b) it would be a nice day out with my mum [and c) i could be bought something nice].So, off to Chester we went, as energetic as two people bored with their own lives could be; so, not very, then. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!
(I cannot be bothered writing anymore, i’ll do the rest another time)
(Don’t pretend you’re missing much, it wasn’t a largely eventful day)

Are you bored? Yes, you are, that’s why you’re reading this.
RECOMMENDATIONS! 
www.youtube.com/nerimon
www.youtube.com/jimmy0010
www.youtube.com/charlieissocoollike
www.myspace.com/drivebyargument
www.myspace.com/theeltraindomain
www.myspace.com/thesoundoftheladies

GO! 

Well…

This week, so far has been very uneventful. I’ve not done anything of interest. 

On Monday, i bumped into Mark (i say ‘bumped’ into; i saw him passing Cafe Nero, where i was, and i texted him telling him to come back), but that was accidental and i didn’t plan it, but it was nice anyway; mainly because i’d never met him before, just online. Today, (Tuesday), not doing anything at all. I failed already, wow. On Thursday i’m going to go to my grandmothers funeral. I wasn’t close to her, and that’s a day gone. Not that i’d be doing anything anyway. God, i’m such fun

For some reason, i’m sitting here, listening to Bring Me The Horizon; i don’t even like them, and yet i occasionally put them on. Background noise i suppose. Emphasis on the word noise. In fact, i do know why i am; i’m actually waiting for a YouTube video to buffer. It is a Five Awesome Guys video. Today it’s tuesday and it’s Charlie (AKA: Charlieissocoollike) *melts* :]; so with that in mind, occasionally YouTube decides to take long periods of time to buffer their videos. It’s like one in ten videos will fail at buffering properly; like, as a rule. 

I’ve actually listened to three BMTH songs, and it’s still yet to finish buffering. The pain. Oh, the pain.

I’ve decided to keep this post quite short, as the last one was just a bit pretentiously long, so this is just a brief update. Nothing known about securing plans for next week. Possibly going to the pictures (the cinema, for those not from Britain) to see ‘Son Of Rambo’ on Wednesday, which is a film about some primary school kids making a their own film and it looks really sweet, in honesty, so it should be fun.

So, thanks for reading; like. I’m going now to stare at Charlie and delude myself that something will happen that will make him drag me into his video and have mad passionate…yes. Anyway, toodles. 

Love, always.
Eliot. 

First Post/Bad Communication

As my first post to WordPress, i understand that it’s probably meant to be something a little more interesting then you’d expect if i’d written, say, about five so far. It’s like a pilot of a television show. It has to be engaging or the show really wont stand the test of the viewers reaction. I have written blogs in the past. I’ve podcasted in the past. Neither were very well received. Well, you can’t expect much from a blog, really. The only people who would read your blog would be your friends. And if it were someone foreign to you, than you’d need to have at least some kind of credible online status to attract the interest. But, now you’re here, reading this, i imagine you to be someone with patience and intelligence. And are very physically attractive, and carry the charms of a god. [To self: If that doesn't get them, nothing will.]. Oh, btw; from now on, if you see anything written in “[]” those brackets, be sure to remember that they are just mindless thought i have when writing this. The more common “()” will just be additives that is meant to be read and intended for you to gloss over. Side issues in what i’m saying, but more ‘This may be interesting to you’ rather then the inside thoughts of a weird stranger. I added the square brackets in an attempt to entertain your interest, as it is always amusing to speculate on others thoughts on what they do, how they present themselves and their opinions and other such nonsense. It’s just an added novelty, really.

I am a keen ranter. When i say keen, i don’t mean that i go to the extent of looking around for something to whinge about, because i enjoy it so much, i just do it a lot; being as cynical, as i am. Little things annoy me. Things like small talk, that annoys me a lot. I know several people online who really don’t know how to form reasonable conversation, past asking me about my state, what i’ve done during the day (to which the answer is more than likely nothing at all, at least of any interest, so that annoys me even more because i don’t have a decent answer to give them.) or was it a good one and asking what i’m doing presently. It’s usually the same every time, and because they’ve started that off, it’s hard to move on to more interesting conversation. You already known that this person is an unimaginative bore, with nothing to offer me. The worst ones are the ones that don’t even try at all. At least these people are attempting it, the other ones couldn’t care less. They’re the ones that you say hi to (i’m talking mainly about msn, here) , don’t bother to respond until they’re finished stimulating themselves and reply like they didn’t make you wait half an hour. There’s no sorry and there’s no remorse for their rudeness. So you’ll start the conversation (which is nice of you, first off; you don’t have to attempt to show them you like their presence), start basic conversation and then they just can’t be bothered. You pass the small talk, but you can go for an hour, come back to the pc and they haven’t said anything. They’re that lazy, they don’t want to stir the conversation themselves because that’s more time talking, and less time masturbating. So, what do you do? Yes, you inject some conversation, just to spice things up; try and get their creative juices flowing and perhaps provoke an intelligent conversation to spring forth. You just state a random fact, or something that’s on your mind. It’s creative, it’s giving a little bit of yourself, it’s showing that you think they give a damn about you and your opinions. But when they respond with the attitude of ‘Do you really think i care?’, it kind of makes you want to splice their face open with a blunt biscuit tin. Or, they’ll just get to the point where they’re so lazy they cannot be bothered saying anything at all. It means the same thing as the latter sentence internal monologue, but they’ve just not given you a dismissive answer. This is more, if it was in person, a dismissive look. Or more likely, just ignore you’ve said that at all. And you find that people find it more than acceptable to do that online, but some reason they don’t do it in real life (that’s assuming you’ve met them in real life. But a phone call kind of shows my point as well). They would be considered somewhat rude, so they save it for online. I always find that talking online, is like linking up heads with a wire and discussing whatever. Now, that may sound a bit unusual, but just hear me out. Or read me out. You tend to be a little bit more honest and say things you wouldn’t necessarily say in real life; be it positive or negative. You may tell a friend that you love them more than life itself, but would feel uncomfortable saying it to their face, in fear of judgement. It’s like you can get away with saying that online because it’s like your sharing each-others thoughts, but it’s selective, you can let them know what you’re thinking, personally, without worry of others knowing. When it’s in person, it’s more direct and you’re being put on the spot as it were and you have less time to think through things you’re going to say, where as online you can say it and you have more time to digest the feeling, think of an answer and wording it as appropriate as you want it to be.

I also find that people can say things and be able to take them back online. Often people make generalizations in MySpace bulletins, for example and give their piece on something and may say something that somehow includes the entire consensus of readers with such terms as ‘you all’ and ‘everyone’; but they don’t really mean everyone (at least that’s what they say) because when someone goes ‘Do you hate me?’ etc, they more than likely go ‘Nooo’ and they move on. It’s not meant to be personal, because it’s not directed at one person. It’s like when someone says ‘I hate everyone’ [I've used that phrase today]; they don’t literally mean everyone and they don’t mean that they hate, they just are unhappy with the way they’re being treated by the people they love, that are letting them down, one way, or another.

But, as much as people insist that they hate everyone, they always come crawling back because you’ll find that people do things to others, and don’t care about it, or just blatantly think they’re not in the wrong or they’re not being referred to because they think themselves that amazing. I, personally, whenever i think i’ve harmed someone on some level, i want to make it sure that it’s not malicious if they’ve taken it that way, and i didn’t mean it that way. Obviously, if i did mean it that way, then i wouldn’t apologize unless proven wrong, even then it’s a bit of a struggle. It’s hard to swallow your pride, because you’ve walked in, accused someone of something, and when they provide their defense with a fair argument, what more can you do than just go ‘Yeah, well…be that as it may…’ and invent some elaborate excuse for you being right, just to save face. The Salem witch trails ended the lives of several people, over this matter.

This next week i am going to attempt to make the week as entertaining and enjoyable as possible, by doing something every day, except sunday. Even God needed to rest.
I’ll try and keep you posted.

Love, always.
Eliot.